Most of us keep our finances to ourselves. Kinda like holding a deck of cards to our chest.
I get it — we’re afraid what people think about us.
Maybe they’ll think we’re a failure. Or worse, maybe they’ll see that we’re a fake.
So, as a result, we end up alone in fear of our finances (and interestingly, you can have a spouse and still feel alone.)
But what if there was a different way?
What if there was a safe-bubble; a group of people who had the same struggles as you, and were all heading in a new direction?
Like a community, or a tribe, that gives support and comradery.
An openminded group that gives honest feedback, and collectively helps you, and you help them fix their finances.
No judgment calls. Ever.
What would that look like? How would that make you feel?
If someone was holding out their hand and said “Hey! Let’s get out of this place. We’re all heading in a new direction. Hop on!”
Would you take the leap?
Let me know in the comments. I’m curious.
I suffer a lot by not telling people about my financial problems. On the outside it seems that I have it all — nice car, nice house, successful job — but I have debt and that wears me out. Having a group that’s a “safe bubble” would help me out. I could imagine it would be a kind of like a pressure release.
Thanks for your honesty Joanne. You’re not alone.
Avraham, my financial fears always holds me back. I feel paralyzed sometimes. If I had a group that I could talk those fears out I think that I would help me face them. Thanks for the article Avraham.
Yes, Adrian, financial fears hold a lot of us back.
I am on a Facebook group that deals with finances. Members are from all over Canada. We share struggles, concerns, celebrations and it really does help.
That’s amazing Janice! Thanks for sharing that idea. 😉
Hi Avraham great article, I am in the same situation with the people above. If there was a group that share the same fears and struggles and that would be great because I am sure we are not the only ones facing these problems. On the previous persons reply what facebook page group is that.
Hey Shawn. Janice — the previous commenter — just emailed me back and told me it’s a Canadian group that follows Dave Ramsey. The FB group name is FPU Canadian Resource Group.
Hope that helps!
I think it is a good idea to get stuff out in the open. There is too much shame about finances in the world. And a huge lack of education about it. I would welcome something like that
You’re right Paul. There’s way too much shame about finances. What would happen if we defined success, not by material wealth (like our bank accounts) but by human wealth? Imagine if a “successful” person is someone who brings joy to others or kisses their child when they scrape their knee or really listens to their spouse’s needs (even after a decade of marriage.) If that was REAL success, how do you think that would that affect how we talk about money?
I’m sure there are different ways just like joining Facebook groups, Avraham Byers group and others types of help like this to let out the frustrations about finances.
But mind you there are people that are also sensitive when it comes to revealing their financial issues in the open which i think its normal.
You have a really good point Marc — I also think that there are a lot of people who are sensitive to having their financial issues in the open (and rightfully so.)
How do you think we could help out more sensitive people? Do you have any ideas? I’d love to hear.
This is a real problem! I work for a finance company, and I assume everyone has their s**t together. But I left home early, supported myself through uni, and never really got ahead, with no access to social security due to a bit of family trouble. The best I did was buy a car outright. I realised this year I’ve spent over $160,000 in rent since leaving home – enough to buy a unit here in Adelaide.
A run of bad health, a botched hip surgery which I’m suffering ongoing crippling pain from, and my car breaking down before Christmas lead me to take out my first ever personal loan to buy a new car. I’m on a low income – my job is with a startup, it’s grown but my wage hasn’t – and I never thought I would still be so backward when all my friends who lived at home through high school and uni are buying homes or having children, albeit with the support and financial assistance of their parents.
Kat! Thank you so much for opening up and telling me your story. I really appreciate that.
You got me curious… What does success look like to you Kat?
Before this injury, I was pretty happy with things -against the odds I finally had a fulltime job, I was competing in triathlon (a very expensive sport), I had a couple of nice bikes. I had to be mega careful with money to afford the things I thought were important, which at the time meant spending on sports gear and saving on everything else – never eating out, not drinking alcohol, stuff like that.
Now success to me involves better community connection, but also being free of debts like a loan. I’m probably not going to buy a house, but I’d prefer not to have any debt that isn’t building the future. Just being able to live without worrying about money would be nice.
Yes, Katherine — community connection! That’s absolutely essential. And I also agree with getting to a place where you don’t have to worrying about money.
With the start-up that you’re working for, I was wondering, why haven’t they increased your income with the growth of the company? Is it something that’s on the table? Are they not willing? Or is it a “glass ceiling” that you have on your own earning potential?
I’d love to hear.
Sorry for the delay in reply!
When I first asked, I was given the answer that I wasn’t ‘taking ownership’ of my role, but this had more to do with the manager at the time than a lack of willingness or ability. With that person leaving and not being replaced, I might have a chance to turn this around and put a ton of results that belong to be alone on the board.
Yes, Kat! Go make a ruckus!
This is a great idea. I realise that despite being in the financial world I make mistakes with money, I don’t manage it well, I don’t pay enough attention to it and I worry about it. I believe being able to share these feelings would be helpful.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Nicholas. I loved that you shared that you’re in the “financial world” and also made money mistakes. When I was an advisor, I did too. Lots of them.
Everyone listen to Nicholas and me…
We (the financial people) in the past have made mistakes with our money too. We’re supposed to be the ones who are “smart with our money.” So if we can make mistakes, so can you. It’s okay. We’re human and so are you. Don’t let your mistakes drag you down. Talk it out with someone, or a trusted group. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about them, write them down on a piece of paper and get them off your chest. Forgive yourself and move on.
Bless you Avraham